All In - Chips on the Table
I remember the day as vividly as the present moment we are in today. East Lansing, Michigan - I had just gotten off the phone with my line brother as I awaited my next steps at Enterprise Rentals. After a short conversation, I decided to extend the rental, and I drove off. As I made my way down E. Michigan Ave, I felt a deep sense of darkness cover me - I began to blank out. With no place of comfort not being present, I drove blankly on campus, Michigan State University. I made a left turn on Chestnut Rd and W. Shaw LN and found myself entering the parking lot of Spartan Stadium. I wanted to ram into and kill myself. A car filled with clothes, trash, my bookbag, weed, and other miscellaneous items, I finally found myself at an end. Surprisingly, I had a Bible with me, and I parked the white Charger in the middle of the lot facing the stadium with my foot on the gas, awaiting my hand to switch to drive. At this moment, I felt paralyzed.
That day, I called the police on myself as I cried and informed them of my intentions moments before they arrived two cars deep. I felt like a disgrace. How could I have gotten to this point? Known as “Mr.Duffy” himself, I wanted desperately to be in the final bag, one with my body in it. That night I was taken to Sparrow Hospital before being transported to Pine Rest Christian Mental Health Services where I was later diagnosed with chronic schizophrenia. I remember sitting on the bathroom floor of my one-bedroom room weeping. Filled with anger, confusion, sadness, remorse, and many other emotions, I looked myself in the mirror only to be displeased. I hadn’t had a haircut in weeks, I was pale from dehydration, and my body was frail.
Despite this experience, it wasn’t my last. Weeks later after a manic episode with a friend, I was then transported to Havenwyck Hospital where I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (B). As I recall all of my mental health episodes, because I have had far too many to scribe, the one thing that remains is my ability to still be present. I am still alive. From my diagnosis to the current facial fractures and broken humerus, I have yet to meet my maker - crazy to think I wanted to schedule that meeting myself on several occasions.
The question remains in my head, why am I still here? I was a full-ride student attending Michigan State University, an Alpha, a premier host, campus leader. city of Detroit social influencer, and I had the world ahead of me. You would think the course was paved for me to win, but no one really knew all of the struggles I faced. From toxic relationships, public humiliation, lack of financial trust and discipline, I can confidently say, I dug the hole myself. I’ve lost relationships with many people throughout my life and the one relationship that I am grateful to still have is the one with God - I have been kept.
Philippians 4:13 is my favorite scripture and it reminds me that the work is forever to be done. Work on myself, work in my community, and work to get closer to Him each day. There are many decisions I wish I could take back in my life, but even as I think about it, I realize if it weren’t for the hurdles I wouldn’t have achieved this new foundation of clarity. As of today, I am 43 days sober, my company has surpassed $23,000 in revenue, I have been honored as a MSU TrailBlazer by the MSU Black Alumni of Oakland County (without my degree being obtained yet), 2024 Health is Wealth honored guest, and most importantly - I am STILL Mr.Duffy!
Being in your Duffy is something you must believe and have faith in! On the poker chips I designed, they all read, “Always BET BIG on Yourself.” This is a reminder that when the stakes are high, it is only YOU who possesses the wager to win it all! Each colored chip represents a different attribute: Red (Power), Blue (Clarity), Green (Mindfulness), Pink (Love), and more to come… These chips represent sacrifice, faith, and all of the moments where I felt like throwing it all away. As you look at the chips, be reminded of my story, your story, and the story of so many before us who placed it all on the line as a risk to achieve more.
It is my hope, that through my testimony, I can be a beacon of inspiration to others. I am one of billions, yet I am still one-of-one. I am in my Duffy.