Duffy’s Mental Dump - Vol.1
Thoughts from 07/26 - 07/28 - “This too shall pass”
A mentor of mine asked me one of the simplest questions one day, and it resulted in an emotional breakdown. He simply asked, “How are you doing nephew?” Mr. A, or “Unc” for most, was simply just checking in to see how I was holding up. What began as a phone call to catch up, turned into me emotionally breaking down and crying because I was not okay.
So many times, in life I find myself bottling up my emotions and sparing the listening ears of those concerned because who wants to feel like a burden. My problems are simply not the problems of others. Since being diagnosed, I felt like I’ve been in this downward spiral of events. I’ve lost friends, made careless and impulsive decisions, and most sadly I’ve lost sight of who I am. I believe in God, and I talk to him often because I know he listens. I remain faithful. Today’s scripture (07.26) of the day was Thessalonians 5:17, “Pray without ceasing.”
Working with my mental health is a journey and sometimes it can be difficult when you feel as though no one understands, listens, or even cares sometimes. As a creative and entrepreneur, it is even more difficult because, “You eat what you kill”, meaning whatever you work for/create is your earning. However, I’ve been unwillingly fasting. Despite my circumstances, I am not naïve to the fact that I am extremely blessed/privileged! The amount of people within my network is wild compared to the average joe. My office space is located within Cocoon Detroit, a Black-owned co-working space on Detroit’s North-end and I am surrounded by 10+ six-figure earners whom I have a great relationship with. You would think I’d be next up, but clearly that isn’t the case at the moment (LMAO).
I enjoy my life, and I want to be here, but sometimes I question myself, my value, and if I’m even moving in the right direction. I feel like I am a complicated individual, but one thing my therapist, Crystal, told me is that I often drive away my own help – Okay, she didn’t have to read me like that, but sis wasn’t lying. I am stubborn. I have always been a self-sufficient person, but the grave mistake I have made is thinking that I am Superman, when I’m just a man – A handsome Black one, so don’t trip.
These past few years since the pandemic began have been difficult for me, but each day I place my two feet on the ground and receive the blessing of another day! My moods have been sporadic, but I have still found ways to better handle my diagnosis with healthy coping mechanisms such as a stress ball, bike riding, comic book reading, music, meditation, and sometimes a good cry! IYKYK. I don’t have everything together right now, but I am still active.
My words are simply my way to express myself in a way that isn’t detrimental to my mental health, but still a safe way for me to release. I really enjoy poetry, and that is an escape for me along with blogging, which I will do more often. One day I will publish my own poetry book to showcase another small talent of mine. As I continue to understand myself, I hope this message resonates with someone. “This too shall pass.”