L.I.F.E
August 2020 – The car had been due back to the rental location three days prior, but the card being charged had sufficient funds to remain within my possession. I just made it back to East Lansing from Detroit, and I was planning to link with one of my line brothers who was still living there at the time. After a few failed attempts of getting in contact with him, I found myself driving back towards campus unaware of where’d I go because my apartment wasn’t available for move-in until another week. I got to the last light before the entrance of Spartan Stadium and I began to breakdown. Every bottled-up emotion that had been lingering within my mind turned into a burst of tears. As I parked my car in the middle of the parking lot of Spartan Stadium, I picked up my Bible, called 911, and all I remember saying is, “I need help, I just don’t want to be here anymore”. That phone call changed my life.
The Pandemic was unexpected and a global impact that altered the lives of every citizen around the world. COVID-19 shutdown cities, states, and countries worldwide. Among these changes occurring, social media began to boom! With TikTok at the forefront of a digital takeover, humans probably spent more time inside of their homes and possibly alone than ever before. Now, prior to this catastrophe, I WAS LIVING MY BEST LIFE! I was coming off of a senior year semester, one of the hottest up-and-coming host within The City – Detroit DUH – and taking my brand(s) to the next level. My presence and reputation on the campus of Michigan State University was as solid as they came, especially within Black MSU! Despite my success, 2020 turned out to be one of my most difficult years thus far.
From the outside looking in, one wouldn’t think Mr. Duffy – the life of the party – would be going through his own mental health battles without even knowing it. Despite the many hats that I wore at the time, I struggled to keep myself together behind closed doors. I created this image for myself to be liked and enjoyed by everyone. I wanted to make everyone around me feel good no matter the strength it took to keep a smile upon my own face. I thrived off of making others happy, only to forget to make the one person that truly matters feel the same way, myself. My grades were slacking, my spending habits were out of control, I indulged in as much marijuana as I could, and I wanted to be out every chance I got. If you add in a break-up, a couple situationships, and a little public embarrassment as the icing on the cake I guess you could say I didn’t know who I was or scared of who I was becoming.
That phone call in the parking lot led me to receiving professional medical help and ultimately being diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar 1 disorder. I received psychiatric treatment at two different facilities due to a relapse that I had a week after my first visit, and I appreciate the love and support from Pinerest and Havenwyck. Beginning August of 2020 and for the next 4-6 months, I experienced a bus load of adjustments and new way of living. It was difficult to process because I never thought I would ever be diagnosed with a mental illness let alone be hospitalized. However, as I have been able to learn more about mental health, I am glad that I made the decision to seek help.
As I have matured and separated myself from some of younger habits, the more I find myself seeking peace within myself. Anxiety and depression still linger around, but I feel as though it is common with most of us, but it is all about how you handle it. I am learning more about myself that I didn’t know before because I have been intentional about what matters to me and my own happiness rather than what matters to others and how I can appease that feeling. Everyday possesses its challenges but the road to recovery and healing isn’t supposed to be a cake walk. I am still learning to love myself. I have my own therapist, Dr. Bruce, who works within my campus’ Counseling and Psychiatric Services, and our relationship has been solid for over a year.
Ultimately, I know I am not where I want to be in life, but that is okay, because I am right where God has intended me to be. I am still Mr. Duffy, I am still the life of the party, I am still the creator of DuffySzn and “Good morning Hustlers”, founder of The Suits for Success Youth Mentoring Program, and everything that once was before. I just hope this reminds you to keep going no matter how hard the trenches get. #DuffySzn